Turn those gadgets off… NOW! (no pressure, though..)

Remember the days when apple was just that red round thing responsible for the discovery of gravity? Or when blackberry was just a fruit full of vitamin A, potassium, and calcium? Those were the good days… when people didn’t sue each other because of something they didn’t even mean to say in social networks.. when mothers paid more attention to their children instead of their cell phones… when TV was used to gather family members instead of being used as a tool to silence a child’s desire to ask ‘why?’.

Do I sound like a middle-aged technophobe? Maybe I am.. the technophobe part , I mean,  not the middle-age part…. I think… But I must admit that I’m not THAT keen on technology… Sure, sure, there are times when my life, not to mention my writing, has been improved by it.. (from where do you think I get the information about what black berry is full of?), but do we truly need all those gadgets?

 My husband and I once didn’t have a TV for more than a year. After the birth of our son, we decided to donate the TV to my husband’s parents, as the one that they had at that time was so ancient it didn’t have a remote control (seriously). We lived in this small studio-like room, so a TV, with its sound, glare, and radiation was definitely not high on our list.

I didn’t miss it AT ALL. I didn’t miss the gossips, the news about this disaster, that accident, this politician going here, that celebrity going there. I just didn’t. That one-year-of-TV-less experience led me to a conclusion that my life was not THAT enriched by the existence of it. On the contrary, I found that by not having one, I could concentrate on raising my son, really talking and reading to him, and watching him grew. And I also did a lot of talking to my husband (among other things), instead of just sitting like zombies watching nothing.

Sadly, I have to admit that we are now the proud owner of 42-inch flat LCD TV.. But it was MY HUSBAND who succumbed to the temptation of it, NOT ME.. (and this is coming from a person who wrote something about not liking excuses.. ) 

Maybe I AM getting older. People say that older people dislike technology. Maybe I AM a typical female. People say a typical female wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between tablet the gadget or tablet the medicine. But if I have to be all that to: communicate with people with my mouth instead of my thumbs and fingers, spend precious time with my son, who still thinks I’m the centre of his universe, have meaningful conversation with my husband, smell the real smell of flowers instead of the ones posted in Flickr, and enjoy life more, so be it. I’ll wear that Typical-Technophobe-Female badge proudly on my sleeve.

USEFUL VOCAB :

Middle-aged       : in the middle of your life before you are old

Technophobe     : someone you hates technology

Gadget               : a small piece of equipment that does a particular job, especially a new type

Succumb            : to not be able to stop yourself doing something

Temptation         : a feeling that you want to do or have something, although you know you should not

Wear (your heart) on your sleeve : display one's emotions openly

Word count : 575 words

Excuses, excuses

         

            I hate excuses. Especially ones which are used as justification for something bad that we cannot stop or things we cannot do.

If you cannot stop smoking, don’t go around proudly saying research says being a passive smoker is more dangerous that being an active one. Have you ever seen the government’s warning at the end of cigarette commercials saying “NO smoking can harm your pregnancy and causes impotence”?

            If you love your job more than you love your family, don’t go around saying that quality time is more important than quantity. There IS quality in quantity!

            If you cannot successfully abort your second child, don’t go around saying “An only child will grow up to be anti-social” to people who choose to only have one son.

            If you cannot get the score you want in a test because you’re not as smart as you think, don’t say it’s because the computer can’t read you answers.

Don’t hide behind excuses! Take full responsibilities of our actions!

I like seeing people who are disabled or people who are put in a difficult situation make something out of their lives. They are true motivators for they prove that situation or whatever it is that makes life difficult for these people don’t stop them from achieving something good. That by not making excuses they can move forward and inspire people.

Maybe that’s why there’s so much unhappiness in people’s lives.

Maybe that’s why there are so many families torn apart.

Maybe that’s why my country is not as developed as other Asian countries.

Maybe that’s why this world is full of hatred and wars.

And that’s exactly why I don’t teach my son to hit and blame the floor whenever he falls.

All those so-called sparks can burn you to ashes

 I guess because I’m married, some single friends of mine sometimes ask me about their love problems (or it’s just may be because I look like a cheap shrink). Some of them have problematic love stories, or the lack thereof is problematic in itself. But one problem some of them mention would be the existence (or non-existence) of these so-called sparks.

            So what is this little word that carries the burden of being blamed by some of my friends? According to one, it’s the non-normal feeling you get from being near a person that you like. Well let me tell you, my dear single friends, “sparks” may be good, but there are other more important things in a love life. (Talking like a true cheap shrink).

            When I first met my husband, the non-normal feeling I had for him was that I disliked him. He looked okay, but the aura he emitted was a hostile one. I didn’t understand it, but it seemed to me that he didn’t like girls, or life, in general. But, cliché speaks, we ended up getting together, been together for 11 years, been married in 6 of which, and have a son that I so like to talk about.. (what mother doesn’t?).

It is true that there were, and are, times when just the sight of him can drop my heart to my knee, but for the most part of our relationship, an adjective I can use to describe it would be “comfortable”. I can talk about anything to him without the fear of sounding like a ditzy lady, or dress up whatever I like without the fear of looking like a bum. I can be what I want to be without changing my shape (literally AND not literally), and know that he would still be there with me, clinging like a chewing gum on the sole of a shoe (why  does it come out so wrong?).

             At the start of our relationship, he told me that a good relationship was like sitting in a crowded public transport. (“Huh?”. Hold on.. it gets better after this). If you know that you were going to be in it just for a short while, of course it would be okay to sit uncomfortably, with half butt sitting on the bench and the other half hanging mid-air. But would you be willing to do so knowing you’re going to be in it for a long time? “Being in a relationship is like that,” he said, “Find a comfortable position where you can be yourself and not in an awkward position because this relationship is going to be for a long time..” And, young and fool as I was, I fell for that.. haha…

            So spark is good, spark is fun. But first and foremost, look for someone who can make you be you. Be with someone you can share your thoughts and dreams. Be with someone you can see your future with.

Be comfortable sitting in that public transport. It’s going to be a long ride.

USEFUL VOCAB:

Thereof                    : relating to what has just been said

Spark (literally)         : a very small, bright piece of burning material

Comfortable             : If you are comfortable in a situation, you do not have any worries about it.

Willing                      : to be happy to do something, if you need to

Awkward                 : difficult or causing problems

Word count : 574

Take the eyes of a child and enjoy the world

            For a child, everyday is an adventure.. There are infinite possibilities for everything. Should I choose this or that? Should I do this or that? Looking at my son I sometimes feel that my life isn’t as exciting as his. Why shouldn’t it be? We share the same world. We even live in the same house, for crying out loud.

            Whenever I take a walk with my son, he always stops at intervals to pay attention to small things, be it a dead bug, a dry stick, or some water in a gutter. And most of the time, I will try to stop and appreciate those things as well.

Is it easy? Nooo.. When I am in a rush, those observations of this wonderful world will become an annoyance. I will sometimes say to him, ‘Leave it be. It’s dirty..’ or, ‘We don’t have time for this’. But that doesn’t stop him to pause and pick or ask me things.

You may think that he’s simply a boy who doesn’t listen to his mother. Maybe, maybe.. but I’d like to think that he feels that the mundane activities such as going to the office or going to school are and can be as exciting as those little things.

So what’s the moral of my babbling? Maybe it’s this: in life there are things that are important, or those which you can’t avoid from doing; but along the way, try to smell the flowers. Cherish little things that you can pick on your journey. Looking at the big picture of life’s journey, those little things are ones that support you and ones that sustain you when it seems difficult to move on. Cherish life and open your eyes to the world like a child does!

Key vocabulary:

Infinite      : without limits or without an end

Exciting     : making you feel very happy and enthusiastic

Mundane   : ordinary, or not interesting

Cherish      : to love someone or something very much and take care of them

Sustain      : to support someone or something so that they can live or exist

Word count : 357 words

           

Listen… really listen! (not just waiting for that pause when you can jump in and start your bigger, better story)

            There are some articles I find along the way that gives quite an impact in my life. One that I want to share is an article I found in The Reader’s Digest long long time ago. I don’t even remember the title, but it’s about how to really listen when someone is talking to you.

            The article started with how the writer accepted a telephone call from her friend, telling her about an incident the friend experienced. Just as the writer wanted to tell the friend about her similar experience, someone came knocking at the friend’s door, forcing the telephone call to end. But before the telephone call end, the friend thanked the writer, saying that “It is rare to find someone who truly wants to listen, and not just waiting for that pause to tell a similar, better and bigger version of the story.”

            Does is sound familiar? Sadly, I have to say yes. After reading that article, I took a hard look at myself and the people surrounding me. How many friends can we truly say as good listeners and not just someone who always has a bigger, better version of our story? Not that many, right? No wonder we have to pay psychologist / psychiatrists to listen to our story. It’s THAT rare!

            Being a mother, I find the competition to say who has the most intelligent, or if not intelligent, then the cutest child, even more horrifying. You would find this following dialogue common among mothers:

Mother A        : “My son said this yesterday..”

Mother B         : “Oh, but my son can say it in BRITISH accent… only yesterday he said .. yada yada yada…”

I mean, seriously, this is NOT about you, Mother B! Let Mother A’s child have the limelight, if only for a moment,. Sure, sure, Mother B would probably say, “I’m just sharing.. there’s nothing wrong in that, is there?”. Yeah, right.

So we come to the end of this article, which, I hope, would make us take a good look at ourselves and ask before we make any comments on someone’s story, “Am I doing this for the betterment of the other person or am I doing this just to make me feel good about myself?”. If it’s the former, good! (though I must say that you are probably a good liar yourself.. haha). If it’s the latter, then stop!  Listen! This is about THE OTHER PERSON’S story or feeling and NOT about you! (note: the use of capitals for THE OTHER PERSON and lower case for you is not accidental.)

USEFUL VOCAB:

rare                    : very unusual

horrifying          : very shocking

limelight            : attention from the public

the former         : the first of two people or things that have just been talked about

the latter            : the second of two people or things that have just been talked about

not accidental    : intended

Word count : 502 words

What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger

            A good friend of mine, who is a fingerprint analyst, once told me that for a person who was limbic (basically someone who does things only if the thing suits how she feels.), I didn’t show real signs of moodiness. Fingerprints are one thing, life experience is another.

            I was born into a happy family. Not overly wealthy, but my father was a really good person, who I was, and am still, very proud of. My mother dedicated her life to keep the household going smoothly, and my sister, who, despite being a tad bossy (haha), was a nice sister to have around.

            So imagine the shock we felt when my father, the sole breadwinner of the family, passed away, just 47 years old, because of a heart condition. I was still 10 years old and my sister 14. My mother didn’t have a job nor did we have loads of money when my father was still around.

            Time was tough. I think being the daughter who had so much similarity with my dad made my mom came to me whenever she needed a place to complain about the toughness of life or simply a shoulder to cry on. I grew up faster beyond my years, I think, to be someone who, some people say mature, some other say have an old soul.

I wouldn’t want to, for all the money in the world, experience the horror, the sadness and the loss I felt at the time again. But now, 22 years later, I can truly appreciate the lesson, albeit a tough one, the incident has taught me. By experiencing that, I learn how:

1. not to whine and give excuses whatever life is giving my way.
2. to stand on my own 2 feet whenever possible.
3. to be prepared for the unexpected.
4. to appreciate the small things that most people take for granted, like the convenience of going to their father whenever they’re broke.
5. to tell the people I love that I love them and how my life is better because they are around.

Life is too precious to waste away. Strive for more, but always appreciate what you have. Live life to the fullest, so by the end of the day you can say, “This is what I’ve done in my life. I’m proud of how it’s turned out to be”. Life’s good, and remember that what doesn’t kill you will only make you strong.  

USEFUL VOCAB:

wealthy             : rich

breadwinner      : the person who earns the money in a family

whine                : to complain in an annoying way

appreciate          : to understand how good something or someone is and be able to enjoy them

strive                 : to try very hard to do or achieve something

Word count : 469 words

Life’s short … choose friends you truly want to hang out with

Do you ever have these types of friends? Ones who drag you down when you want them to be happy for you…. Ones who out of the blue tell you you look older than you really are… ones who don’t think you’re good enough, let alone support you? If you do, then what are you doing still hanging out with them? J

I have some people who I used to call friends. They didn’t care whether their words hurt me or not. Worse, sometimes they hid behind the pretense of doing or saying those ‘for my own good’. Well let me tell you that I didn’t feel any better because they said it.

I once was feeling this horrible back pain, when suddenly a ‘friend’ of mine said , ‘Well, it’s because you’re too fat’. My response was, ‘Huh?’. Did she really… really think that I needed that kind of comment when I was feeling like breaking in two? That’s an example.

Another example is when one sunny and glorious morning, another ‘friend’ of mine, who, by the way, is older than me, said, ‘You know.. One of our students said that you look older than me.’ Followed by, maybe what she thought, a cute and girlish giggle.. Another intelligent and witty response coming out of my mouth was ,’Huh?’

Well, okay, it’s not THAT witty, but Huh? Can you ever think of a single occasion when that kind of remark is needed? Maybe… as retaliation for if I said that she looked more horrible, or more unintelligent, or basically less human than I was… but still that was just a maybe…

So you may wonder why I still want to be surrounded by that kind of people. Well I don’t. I was thrown in that kind of situation because the universe was conspiring against, or should I say, being an optimist as myself, trying to make me a better person… I guess.. 

Thus, the title above. Life is too short to be surrounded by people who make you feel fat, old, and angry. Be surrounded by people who support you and who make you feel good. How, you may ask, as you can’t choose the place or situations where those people are going to be around. Then, choose! I definitely can’t avoid meeting those types of people, but I CAN choose the people I want to hang out with. From now on, I’m going to spend more time with people who can accept me as I am and who can support me throughout my back pain.. Just as soon as I can think of a witty response to get even to that person..

Key vocabulary:

Drag (v)                                   : to pull something or someone somewhere

Let alone (phrase)                     : used to emphasize that something is more impossible than another thing

Remark (n)                               : something that you say

Retaliate / Get even (v) : to do something bad you to someone because they have done something bad to you

Surrounded by                          : to have a lot of people or things near you

          

Word count 523 words